Doing Conflict Right

Conflict is not the enemy of community. Handled badly, it divides. Handled with the wisdom of the Apostles, it produces the deepest growth a community can experience.

Jul 28, 2026

We, humans, seem to have an ingrained love of fighting, defending ourselves, and drama. We are really good at it.

All you have to do is go on social media, and it happens every day!

We seem to love to fight, and that itself should be a sign of deep brokenness in us.

The impulse to demand our rights, to get even, to settle the score, all of it reveals a wound in humanity that must be addressed and healed.

Do not misunderstand me. There is a time to fight and defend the Faith, to witness to its fullness and exhort others to hold to its traditions.

But how you fight reveals who you are.

Immaturity always shows up during conflict. But so does maturity, and that is the lesson we have to learn.

A wise man once taught me that conflict is necessary for a community to grow and be strong. Conflict reveals people’s true intentions and uncovers where hearts need healing. Avoiding conflict is not good. But handling conflict badly is not good either. That always leads to division instead of healing.

“The word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly.”

The result of handling conflict right. More on that in a moment.

Today’s Lesson: Acts 6:1-7

In those days, when the disciples were increasing in number, the Hellenists murmured against the Hebrews because their widows were neglected in the daily distribution. And the twelve summoned the body of the disciples and said, “It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables. Therefore, brethren, pick out from among you seven men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may appoint to this duty. But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.” And what they said pleased the whole multitude, and they chose St. Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit, and St. Philip, and St. Prochoros, and St. Nicanor, and St. Timon, and St. Parmenas, and St. Nicolaos, a proselyte of Antioch. These they set before the apostles, and they prayed and laid their hands upon them. And the word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were obedient to the faith.

The crux of the dispute was between the Hellenized Jews and the native Jews from Jerusalem. All the widows were equal in this new community of the Church, but some were apparently more equal than others. The conflict was growing. The murmuring was spreading. And it had gotten the Apostles’ attention.

What the Apostles did next is a masterclass in doing conflict well. Three movements. Three Ps. And the result was the creation of an entire order of ministry that the Church still relies on today.

What Can We Take From This?

First, the Apostles understood their Priorities, which meant they knew what they could not afford to abandon.

“It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables.”

This is not the Apostles dismissing the widows’ needs as unimportant. The Apostles’ understanding is that abandoning their primary calling to address a secondary problem would ultimately harm the entire community.

If the people entrusted with declaring the Word of God are pulled away from that task to manage administrative conflicts, everyone loses.

It is never in the best interests of a community to cause its leaders to stray from their calling to do what the community itself should be doing. Setting leaders free to be who they are called to be is ultimately for the community’s benefit, not merely the leaders’ convenience.

This principle applies far beyond church administration. Every community, every family, every organization that handles conflict well begins by getting clear on priorities. What cannot be compromised? What is the primary calling that must be protected? Conflict managed poorly usually sacrifices something essential in the scramble to put out the immediate fire. The Apostles refused to do that.

Next, the Apostles saw their Purpose, which included recognizing and activating the gifts already present in the community.

“Pick out from among you seven men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom.”

The Apostles did not solve the conflict by doing everything themselves. They solved it by recognizing that the gifts needed to address this problem were already present in the community, waiting to be called forward.

Inactive members mean the parish is missing those particular gifts and abilities, and that impoverishes everyone.

The Apostles called the people to purposeful participation and, in doing so, gave the Church one of its most enduring and essential forms of ministry. The men named here, St. Prochoros, St. Nicanor, St. Timon, St. Parmenas, and their companions, became the first deacons in the Church. A role that began as a solution to a conflict over the distribution of widows' property has served the Body of Christ for two thousand years.

Seeing the purpose in a conflict, the gift it calls forth, and the ministry it reveals transforms the conflict from a threat into an opportunity.

The community does not merely survive the conflict. It grows through it.

Finally, the Apostles acted on their Plan, and the fruit proved the wisdom of how they handled it.

They did not draft a resolution and table it for future discussion. They prayed. They laid hands on these men. They ordained them. They acted.

And look at what happened. “The word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were obedient to the faith.”

This is the fruit of doing conflict well. Not just a problem resolved, but a community strengthened.

Not just peace restored but growth produced. The murmuring that threatened to divide the early Church became the very occasion through which God gave it a new form of ministry and a new surge of growth.

Conflict handled with clarity about priorities, with eyes open to the gifts present in the community, and with the courage to act decisively in love, does not divide. It deepens communion and reveals the Body of Christ functioning as it was designed.

Sts. Prochoros, Nicanor, Timon, and Parmenas, Apostles of the Seventy

Today we commemorate Sts. Prochoros, Nicanor, Timon, and Parmenas, four of the seven men chosen by the community in today’s passage and ordained by the Apostles as the Church’s first deacons. Each went on to serve the Church in significant ways.

St. Prochoros became Bishop of Nicomedia and died peacefully, a faithful shepherd of his people. St. Nicanor was stoned to death in Jerusalem for his faith. St. Timon became bishop in Bostra, Arabia, and was martyred by fire. St. Parmenas died in peace in Jerusalem before the end of the first century.

What is remarkable about these four men is how different their endings were. One died peacefully in old age. One was stoned. One was burned. One died quietly at home. The paths were completely different. The faithfulness was identical. All of them were called Equal-to-the-Apostles because they matured in their faith to the point that external conflict did not disturb or destroy the inner peace they held in their hearts.

They began as a solution to a conflict. They became pillars of the Church.

Your Response Today

Today, how are you handling the inevitable conflicts in your daily life?

Not whether you are avoiding them or rushing into them, but whether you are handling them with the wisdom the Apostles modeled. Clarity about priorities. Eyes open to the gifts the conflict is calling forward. The courage to act decisively in love rather than reactively in pride.

Take one conflict you are currently navigating and ask these three questions honestly. What cannot be compromised here? What gift is this situation calling forward in me or in someone around me? What is the next concrete step I need to take?

Then pray simply:

“Lord Jesus Christ, teach me to do conflict well. Let my response to friction and difficulty reveal not my wounds but Your grace at work in me, so that every conflict I face deepens communion rather than creating division.”

Being Orthodox on Purpose means learning to handle conflict with the wisdom of the Apostles, clarity about priorities, eyes open to gifts, and the courage to act in love, so that every point of friction becomes an occasion for deeper communion and growth!

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