Fully Understood
Communion and communication share the same root. You cannot build one without the other, and both require a love robust enough to survive misunderstanding.
“Oh, come on. You know good and well I didn’t mean that the way you are taking it!”
I could not get over the fact that this person had misunderstood me so badly. It almost felt intentional, as if they were trying to discredit what I was saying.
After a few deep breaths and some dialing back of my wounded ego, I stopped and asked, “Why did you think I meant that by what I said?”
After a few minutes of actually listening, I learned some really valuable things. One was that I had said what I said badly. Another was that I had assumed (always dangerous) that this person knew me better than they did. Now that my ego was sufficiently corrected, I could go back and communicate my thoughts with a better understanding of what they needed to hear.
And that is really valuable work, dear one. I recommend it highly.
But make no mistake. Unless I was willing to do that work, we would never have communicated.
“Then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.”
It is not a coincidence that “communion” and “communication” share the same root. To have true communion with another person, you must first be able to communicate with them honestly and generously. And real communication turns out to be a spiritual discipline as demanding as any other in the Orthodox life.
We make snap judgments. We do not pay attention to the other. We assume meanings. We project our own insecurities and fears onto the people in front of us. We need real healing to communicate well.
Without that healing, genuine communion remains out of reach.
Today’s Lesson: 1 Corinthians 13:4-13; 14:1-5
Brethren, love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. Make love your aim, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy. For one who speaks in a tongue speaks not to men but to God; for no one understands him, but he utters mysteries in the Spirit. On the other hand, he who prophesies speaks to men for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation. He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself, but he who prophesies edifies the church. Now I want you all to speak in tongues, but even more to prophesy. He who prophesies is greater than he who speaks in tongues, unless someone interprets, so that the church may be edified.
St. Paul wants us to understand that our true and best destiny is to be fully understood.
Fully understood.
Think about that for a moment. Not partially. Not approximately. Fully. And he wants us to fully understand others in return.
But here is the honest truth. I will not reach that place of being fully understood without a serious and focused journey to get there. In fact, my great temptation is to insist on being fully understood before I have done the maturing work necessary to make that possible.
What Can We Take From This?
First, real communication begins with a love robust enough to survive misunderstanding.
“Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.”
This is not the syrupy sentiment that passes itself off as love nowadays.
This is something far more demanding. A love that assumes the best rather than the worst. A love that is not easily offended. A love that does not give up when the conversation gets hard.
When I had that uncomfortable exchange in my opening story, the moment that rescued it was when I stopped insisting on my own interpretation of my words and genuinely asked what the other person heard.
That is love, not insisting on its own way. That is love bearing all things, including the bruise to my ego, in order to reach actual understanding.
This kind of love does not come naturally.
It is formed in us through the disciplines of the Faith, through confession that humbles us regularly, through the Liturgy that keeps placing us in the posture of receivers rather than performers, through the community that keeps rubbing our rough edges against the rough edges of others until something smoother emerges.
The journey of communication that builds true communion always flows from a love stronger than our misunderstandings. Without that love as the foundation, every misunderstanding becomes a wound, every correction becomes an insult, and every genuine attempt at understanding collapses under the weight of our wounded pride.
Next, growing into full understanding requires embracing the process rather than demanding spiritual magic.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
This is a growing-up process. St. Paul names it plainly. You grew up physically because you had no choice. Spiritual maturity requires an additional ingredient: the willingness to grow.
Childish communication is what I had at the beginning of that story. Wounded ego. Certainty that the other person was wrong. Assumption that my meaning was self-evident. This is how children communicate, and it is how a disturbing number of adults communicate as well, particularly when they feel threatened.
Mature communication requires humility, which is the willingness to be taught, to learn better habits, and to set the ego aside for the sake of actual understanding. A teachable person becomes understandable.
A person who refuses to learn remains chronically misunderstood and usually blames everyone else for it.
This is why the Lord commands us to love our enemies. In learning to see value even in those with whom we most sharply disagree, we finally abandon the pride of “us versus them,” and every person becomes a potential source of insight. Even the person who misunderstood me badly taught me something valuable about how I was communicating.
That is the gift the humble person receives that the proud person misses entirely.
Finally, the goal of all this maturing is to be fully known and to fully know, which is the definition of genuine communion.
“Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.”
This is the destination. Not just better conversations. Not just fewer misunderstandings. Full understanding. Being known completely and knowing completely in return.
We will not reach this destination in this life, not perfectly. “Now we see in a mirror dimly.” But the journey toward it is the journey of the entire Christian life, and every genuine act of humble, patient, love-driven communication is a step along that path.
And notice that St. Paul places this destination in the same passage as the three abiding realities: faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is love. Because it is love that makes full understanding possible at all. Faith and hope will be complete when we see God face to face. Love will not end because love is the very nature of God, and to be fully known is to be fully known by Him, which is theosis, the entire goal of the Orthodox life.
Every genuine effort to communicate honestly and generously with the people around us is a small participation in this eternal reality.
The patience I show in a difficult conversation. The humility I bring to a misunderstanding. The willingness to keep trying even when the misunderstanding is deep. These are not merely social skills.
They are the disciplines of love that form us for communion with God and with one another.
St. Kallinikos the Martyr of Asia Minor
Today we commemorate St. Kallinikos the Martyr, who suffered for Christ in Asia Minor during the Diocletianic persecution in the early fourth century. A young Christian, he was arrested for his faith, tortured, and ultimately martyred by being thrown into a fire, which he entered joyfully, singing hymns of praise to God.
His hymn tells us he “waxed hot with burning love for Christ.” This is the love Paul is describing in today’s passage, not a mild sentiment but a consuming, robust, enduring love that bears all things, including fire. St. Kallinikos could communicate the truth of the Faith with clarity and at the highest possible cost because his love for Christ was stronger than any misunderstanding, any threat, any wound to his ego or his comfort.
He shows us the destination of the journey Paul is describing. A person so thoroughly formed by love that even death cannot interrupt the communion he has built with God.
Your Response Today
Today, take the next difficult conversation you are facing or avoiding and bring to it the love Paul describes.
Before you speak, ask yourself honestly: Am I assuming the worst or the best? Am I insisting on my own interpretation, or am I genuinely open to hearing what the other person means? Am I willing to learn something from this exchange, even if it requires me to correct myself?
Then pray simply:
“Lord Jesus Christ, form in me the love that does not insist on its own way, is not easily offended, and bears all things. Let every conversation I enter today be a small step toward the full understanding You have promised, and let my communion with others reflect my communion with You.”
Being Orthodox on Purpose means doing the humble, patient, love-driven work of genuine communication, so that every misunderstanding becomes an opportunity for deeper communion rather than another wound to nurse!
P.S. You rightly have now inherited delight on high, for you waxed hot with burning love for Christ your God, O Kallinikos, for Whose sake you courageously brave the fire; as you stand before Him now, cease not interceding with Him for us all.
Would you consider becoming a paid subscriber to help us support this work? Please click the Subscribe button and join our support team!
Thanks
Fr. Barnabas Powell is the parish priest at Sts. Raphael, Nicholas, and Irene Greek Orthodox Church in Cumming, GA. He is also the founder of Faith Encouraged Ministries and produces the Faith Encouraged Daily Devotional on Substack. Watch the Faith Encouraged YouTube Channel here - https://www.youtube.com/@FaithEncouragedTV
Evangelicals often quote pieces of 1 Cor 13 and 14 individually ("love is patient", "I gave up childish ways", "the greatest of these is love", etc...) but I don't think I ever realized they were continuous. Taken together, the meaning is both different and more easily understood.
This makes me think of the difference between hearing and listening.
Can you restate back to the person sitting across with you what they said? Can you ask them did I understand you correctly? If not, repeat and repeat until you truly understand their position.