Made To Be Together

The pandemic of loneliness and the widespread struggle with relationship problems is an icon of our broken relationship with God. Learning how to heal this broken relationship is key to everything!

There’s something about intimacy that scares us to death AND becomes a central hunger for our lives. We are terrified of loneliness AND intimacy!

From sociological studies showing modern society becoming increasingly lonely to small groups of Baby Boomers forming support groups to talk about death and dying to the perennial stories of men and their lack of close friends, modern humanity is struggling with a dual challenge: a deep-seated (and God-given, in my humble opinion) desire for community and a terrifying fear of letting anyone get too close.

The fact is the current pandemic of loneliness in younger generations is setting off serious alarm bells in mental health circles as more and more health professionals are seeing the results of our struggle to build relationships!

It is a perfect storm of psychological warfare that creates all kinds of problems for us humans.

Look at our lesson today in 1 John 4:12-19:

NO MAN has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his own Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son as the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we know and believe the love God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. In this is love perfected with us, that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because he first loved us.

Let’s face it: we were made in God’s image to become in His likeness, and God knows Himself as Persons in Communion. The old saying holds: “We were made for each other.”

We were made to be in communion with one another. We were made to experience closeness with friends, family, and faith where we can be open and vulnerable and known, faults and all, in a safe environment where real personal growth and spiritual maturity can happen. That is the intent, the purpose, and the goal of the Kingdom of God—the Church.

For our Orthodox faith, salvation is all about becoming like Christ. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit invite us to enter into the same kind of communion God enjoys within Himself.

This communion, this Eucharistic life, is at the heart of the faith. When we Orthodox say “salvation,” this is what we mean!

But how many of us experience this reality? How much energy do we expend “hiding” our true selves from friends, family, and brothers and sisters in Christ? All the while, our hearts long to be known, loved, and supported! Our fear of discovery clashes with our longing for close friends and true family. And this dissonance sets us up for all kinds of dysfunctional relationships, disappointment, and heartache. This, in turn, feeds our fear and deepens our hunger for a solution. It sounds like a vicious cycle if you ask me. One might even say this is the definition of “hell.”

My first step toward freedom is acknowledging that there is a Primary relationship that must be corrected if I am ever to have other healthy relationships.

My relationship with God is that Primary relationship that must be healthy first! Then, if I love God and others, God lives in me. To the extent I do not love others, I distance myself from God.

Notice I didn’t say God distances Himself from me. Not at all! I deafen and delude myself. As I learn to humbly love others, not noticing their faults, not holding their mistakes against them, not expecting them to live up to a standard I, myself, don’t live up to, I watch my heart become capable through God’s grace, to love even my enemies.

And that humble agnosticism of the faults of others releases me to be in authentic and loving relationships that give me the greatest gift any human can receive—the gift of genuine intimacy.

This all sounds like what St. John the Theologian and the Beloved Disciple meant when he wrote, “God is love.” (see 1 John 4:7-21) St. John understood what Christ meant by His life, death, and resurrection, ascension, and promised Second Coming. He meant to restore relationship between humanity and Himself, the Creator. No wonder the Church calls us today to remember the blessed repose of the only original one of the Twelve Disciples to die a natural death! Of course, the Romans tried to kill him. They put the Apostle John in a vat of boiling oil, and this holy hero came out untouched by the torture. After more attempts to kill John, they finally gave up and exiled him to the island of Patmos, where St. John received the revelation of the Apocalypse of Jesus Christ, our Book of Revelation. He fell asleep in the Lord in the year 100 AD and left us with a powerful witness of the very purpose of our Faith - the restoration of our relationship with God.

Today, know that close friendships and healthy relationships depend on your willingness to be humble and loving. Waiting for others to be humble and loving before you take that risk will never work! You are invited by love, the love of God towards you (after all, He didn’t wait to love you until you became lovable. He loved you before you even knew He loved you), and the love for God in your own heart, to humbly take no notice of the faults of others and only see your faults. Thereby setting all around you free from unreasonable expectations that destroy relationships and setting you free to focus on your most important work – your spiritual maturity. This is the very definition of a Normal Orthodox life.

P.S. Beloved Apostle of Christ our God, hasten to deliver a people without defense. He who permitted you to recline upon His bosom accepts you on bended knee before Him. Beseech Him, O Theologian, to dispel the persistent cloud of nations, asking for us peace and great mercy.

Fr. Barnabas Powell is the parish priest at Sts. Raphael, Nicholas, and Irene Greek Orthodox Church in Cumming, GA. He is also the founder of Faith Encouraged Ministries and produces the Faith Encouraged Daily Devotional on Substack. Watch the Faith Encouraged YouTube Channel here - https://www.youtube.com/@FaithEncouragedTV