Which Son are You?

The son who said no and repented was more faithful than the son who said yes and stayed home. Honest refusal is closer to genuine faith than polite compliance that goes nowhere.

Aug 05, 2026

My daughters are really different.

But to their credit, I do like them as people.

I find their differences endearing and fascinating. Both are free, unique, and unrepeatable persons. Different personalities, but gifted.

My girls are very different, but they are both wonderful people.

They also share my tendency for plain speaking. You usually don’t have to wonder what they think. They will tell you.

This characteristic has gotten them into some hot water. I know their pain.

“Which of the two did the will of his father?”

It turns out many people do not like plain talk.

They would prefer soothing words and affirming language to avoid upsetting anyone. And to be sure, it is essential to be appropriate and kind when we speak. But that should never be used to avoid uncomfortable truths.

The truth is the best medicine. It is often not very pleasant. And part of being a mature person is the ability to hear uncomfortable truths and humbly embrace the wisdom in them, learning to practice genuine repentance.

More and more I see this as the primary spiritual discipline I must attend to.

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Today’s Lesson: Matthew 21:28-32

The Lord said this parable, “A man had two sons; and he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ And he answered, ‘I will not’; but afterward he repented and went. And he went to the second and said the same; and he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the harlots believed him and even when you saw it, you did not afterward repent and believe him.”

Today is the Forefeast of the Transfiguration of the Lord, which falls tomorrow in the middle of the Dormition Fast. I love this about the Orthodox calendar. Just when you are in the middle of fasting and preparing for one Feast, the Church places another Feast right in the middle of your preparation and says, look.

Look at this.

The mixture of discipline and celebration is so very Orthodox. And it is so very helpful in forming a mature and faithful person equipped to deal with the realities of real life. While I prepare for the Feast of the Dormition through fasting and prayer, the Church offers me the truth that the Transfiguration of Christ is also right here, close at hand, filled with the invitation to be transformed.

Life is always full of contradictions that confront my temptation to be shallow. The parable the Lord speaks today is one of those contradictions. And its plain talk is meant to wake us up.

What Can We Take From This?

First, those who know they are spiritually ill have an easier time repenting than those who think they’re ok.

“The tax collectors and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.”

This is the Lord using plain talk and a stark comparison to wake up His hearers. And it lands hard.

The religious leaders are being told that the people they look down on are closer to the Kingdom than they are. Not because the tax collectors and harlots are better people, but because they know they are not.

The honest sinner walks into the doctor’s office. The person convinced of their own health stays home and gets worse.

The hearers of this parable condemn themselves with their own answer. Of course the son who refused and then repented was the faithful one, they say. And in saying so, they expose themselves as the son who said yes and went nowhere.

The Lord is not being cruel. He is being the most loving thing possible. He is holding up a mirror. And the person who can bear to look honestly in that mirror has already taken the first step toward genuine repentance and genuine transformation.

Next, it is never loving to leave someone in their spiritual illness to spare their feelings.

The Lord’s plain talk in this passage is a loving action, not a harsh one. It is not loving to leave someone in their spiritual illness to spare their feelings. That is, in fact, the very opposite of love. It is cowardice. And love is never cowardly.

The second son, who said “I go, sir” and stayed home, represents a faith that is comfortable with its own vocabulary and outward piety, yet never actually changes from the inside out.

It costs nothing to say the right things. It costs everything to actually go.

This is the confrontation the Faith places before us in every season of fasting and preparation. Not “are you using the right words” but “are you going.” Not “do you have the correct theological positions” but “did the Faith change you.” Not “do you attend the Liturgy” but “is the Liturgy forming you.”

The Dormition Fast and the approaching Feast of the Transfiguration are both pressing this same question. The fast strips away the comfortable habits that insulate me from the truth. The Feast of the Transfiguration shows me what I am being formed toward. Together they will not let me stay in the comfortable fiction of saying “I go” while staying home.

Finally, the parable of the Two Sons perfectly illustrates how honest acknowledgment of brokenness is the doorway to genuine transfiguration.

The first son refused. He was honest about his resistance. And then he repented. He changed his mind. He went. His initial refusal was actually less dangerous than the second son’s polite compliance, because the first son knew where he stood and could therefore actually move from that place.

Repentance is only possible for the person who is honest about where they actually are.

The self-justifying heart that is always explaining why its failures are actually reasonable has no starting point for genuine movement toward God. The self-loathing heart that is too ashamed to even look up has no confidence to move toward God either.

Both of these traps keep a person imprisoned in a dishonest and inaccurate assessment of their love for God. Both prevent the transfiguration the Faith is offering.

The path forward is humble honesty. Your spiritual life will benefit more from a humble confession than from a perpetual delusion of “I am not so bad.” Your soul will be healthier for the truth. And the transfiguration the Church is inviting you toward in this season will have actual ground to work with.

The Forefeast of the Transfiguration of Our Lord

Today the Church celebrates the Forefeast of the great Feast of the Transfiguration, which falls tomorrow, August 6th. The Forefeast is the Church’s way of beginning to enter the Feast a day early, singing its hymns, tuning the heart to what is about to be celebrated.

The Transfiguration on Mount Tabor, when the Lord’s divinity shone through His humanity in the presence of St. Peter, St. James, and St. John, is one of the most significant events in the entire Gospel. The disciples were given a glimpse of what the human person looks like when fully united to God. They saw theosis. They saw the goal.

This is what the parable of the Two Sons is pointing toward. Not mere compliance with rules but the actual transformation of a human life into the likeness of Christ. The Transfiguration shows us what that looks like when it is complete. The parable shows us where we must start: with honest acknowledgment of where we actually are and genuine metanoia that moves us from there toward the mountain.

The fast prepares us. The Feast shows us the destination. And the plain talk of the Lord in today’s parable will not let us pretend we have arrived when we have not yet left.

Your Response Today

Today, which son are you?

Not which son you would like to be, or which son you present yourself as in public. Which son are you actually being right now in the hidden choices of your daily life?

If you find yourself in the first son’s initial position, having said “I will not” in some area of your life, do not despair. The first son repented and went. The door is still open. Genuine metanoia is still possible. In fact, it is closer than you think, because you are at least being honest about where you stand.

Then pray simply:

“Lord Jesus Christ, transfigure me from the inside out. Let me be the son who goes, not just the son who says. Give me the humble honesty to see where I actually am, and the genuine repentance that moves me from that place toward Your likeness.”

Being Orthodox on Purpose means embracing the plain talk of the Faith that tells us which son we actually are, and allowing genuine repentance to move us from saying to doing, so that the Transfiguration the Church offers us becomes real in our own lives!

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